Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
