the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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