dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
