i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
