Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
