I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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