if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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