I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
