she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I AM VODKA MAN
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
