Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
