Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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