Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Houston, we have a squirter
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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