someone threw a dead crab at me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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