I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
