I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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