Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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