Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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