I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
