he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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