you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
