did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
