I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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