drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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