Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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