The maid of honor just puked.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
