just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
