I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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