One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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