I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
