Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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