why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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