happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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