When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
