Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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