I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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