He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize