i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have fence marks all over my body
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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