He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
