So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
