Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We need to rekindle our bromance
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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