my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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