My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
