i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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