I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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