i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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