Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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