did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
