If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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