i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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