My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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