does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
