I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
