Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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