I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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