Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have aggressive nipples.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
