I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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