I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
