walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize