A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
