A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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