Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
