She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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