Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
