She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
