God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
