please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize