I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
