dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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