I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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