I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
