I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
