I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
