morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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