i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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