Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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