A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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