Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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