Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
