It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
