there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I enjoy the company of your penis
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
