During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
