First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
