i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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