On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
