guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
