Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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