my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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