I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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