He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize