its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
