ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
