so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
