This is not my ceiling
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
